Lately I’ve been questioning my friendships. I know that my friends care for me, but it’s hard to have a chronically ill friend. Especially junior year of high school. I understand that my friends have their own lives. They have homework and clubs. I’m happy that they are having fun and enjoying life. It’s hard to be the one left behind though. It’s hard to watch everyone go on with their lives, while you lie in bed. I hardly talk to any of my friends, that I don’t know if I can still consider them friends. I have one friend that use to come over often. She said when I first got sick, that she wanted to be there for me, like her friend had been there for her when she had Cancer. It’s different though… My friend was well within a year and didn’t have to drop out of school. I’ve been out of school for almost a year and a half and there’s not a cure for me. Recently she has been really busy though, so I haven’t seen her. She texts me that she should come over or that she has to come over. I don’t want to be an obligation. I want friends who want to come over, not ones who feel they have to. I’d rather have no friends, then have ones that think of our friendship as an obligation or pity me. Now I don’t know what is going on for my friends, so I can’t speak for them. This is just how it feels on my side. I know it’s hard to be friends with me, because I can’t do much and can’t commit to hanging out. I wish that my friends texted me though. That would make my day. A simple text letting me know they are still thinking about me. I wish they invited me to do things, knowing that I may say no. Sometimes I feel forgotten, like I don’t exist anymore. It feels like everyone has moved on and forgotten about me. I think part of it, is that most people don’t know what I’m going through and how sick I truly am. I wish people understood. Even my closest friends and family don’t get my illness. I guess it’s hard to keep relationships going, that’s just how it is. I’m hoping to meet more Lyme friends, who get what I’m going through. I hope that this helps people know some of my thoughts and feelings. Thanks for reading!
P.S I didn’t know how to end this article. :-p